In the article “What To Do If You’re No Longer Feeling Attracted To Your Partner,” published on September 14, 2024, in the HuffPost, Kelsey Borresen discusses how it is extremely common for partners to experience a dip in the intense attraction they felt in the beginning. Attraction can fade due to a multitude of reasons, such as predictability, unresolved resentment, and neglected romance. Familiarity can lead to boredom, while conflicts and everyday responsibilities create distance. Couples may also stop prioritizing self-care, affecting their feelings about themselves and their partners. The article highlights a few ways to help couples in this situation, such as prioritizing quality time, having new experiences together, and turning to couples counselors for support. These are all key components in rebuilding attraction between you and your sweetheart, and as expert couples therapists, we have a few more lesser-known tricks up our sleeves to share:
Conflict Resolution for Demolishing Walls Built Out of Resentment
Unresolved conflicts are to a relationship as fire extinguishers are to flames, quickly dousing the passion and energy that once burned brightly. When issues linger without resolution, they build resentful walls between partners, making it almost impossible to feel connected and attracted. The good news is that with active listening, validation, and understanding, couples can work through just about anything, so long as they both want to.
Active listening means fully focusing on your partner’s words without interrupting. Validation is part of this because it shows you acknowledge their feelings, even if you don’t necessarily agree. Understanding and empathy help you find solutions that work for both. If you are having trouble productively managing conflicts through these steps, couples therapy can teach you the skills to better do so. You’ll be amazed at just how quickly a little conflict resolution reignites the spark.
Laughter and Joy Build a Solid Foundation of Attraction
Incorporating play into the relationship helps couples stay attracted to each other because it fosters lightheartedness and joy, reminding them of the fun they share. Playfulness is the kindling that helps build the flame of attraction by breaking routine and creating moments of laughter. Play might look like a lighthearted prank on each other, racing the dogs on your next walk in the woods, or creating inside jokes that last a lifetime. Whether you’re being silly together in the kitchen while cooking dinner or having a spontaneous dance party on a Sunday morning while the coffee brews, all playful moments strengthen emotional connection and re-build the foundation of the flame of attraction between you and your partner.
Small Moments of Physical Touch Keep the Passion Alive
Small moments of physical touch are important for keeping attraction alive in most relationships because they foster closeness, trust, and security without the pressure of sexual expectations. To foster these moments, you could:
- Reach for your partner’s hand when you’re on an errand together.
- Give your partner a gentle shoulder rub when they arrive home from work.
- Snuggle up to each other on the couch during a movie or TV show.
- Offer a quick hug or kiss on the cheek in busy, passing moments.
Make these gestures part of your daily routine with your partner. Consistent, small touches build a sense of connection and comfort, reinforcing your bond. It’s essential, however, to be mindful of your partner’s comfort level with physical touch. What might feel affectionate to one person could feel overwhelming to another, so respecting each other’s boundaries ensures that these moments remain positive and nurturing.
Compassionate Couples Counseling for Rekindling Attraction
It’s natural for attraction to ebb and flow in a relationship—most couples experience this at some point, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. The good news is, with a little effort, most couples reignite their spark, and sometimes, it burns even brighter than ever before! Our couples counselors, Sairah Abbasi, Jennifer Edwards, and Dora Valencia, all have the dedication and understanding it takes to help guide you and your partner through this journey.
To learn more about the couples counseling our licensed therapists offer, please get in touch with our Intake Coordinator at 949-236-1990 or intakes@lisaeatontherapy.com. You can also learn more over at our Get Started Page.
