In the article “You Text Each Other a Lot. Is It an Emotional Affair?” published on October 21, 2024, in the Wall Street Journal, Elizabeth Bernstein explores the concept of emotional affairs, which often begin innocuously but can develop into a form of intimacy that rivals or surpasses that within a marriage. While most people picture affairs to be physical, emotional infidelity erodes trust and intimacy without a single touch. In fact, emotional affairs can be just as distressing, and sometimes even more so, than physical affairs. Ultimately, any kind of affair, be it physical or emotional, causes a breach of trust and intimacy that shakes the foundation of a relationship. While some couples choose to move on after an affair, others come through it stronger than ever with couples counseling. Here are three therapist-backed steps to move forward after an affair:
1) Attend Couples Counseling
Couples counseling is the first essential step in moving forward after an affair. Our couples counselors provide a structured space for partners to express complicated feelings, leading to more understanding in a situation that usually makes both feel lost. During initial sessions, the unfaithful partner must take accountability and show genuine remorse, while the hurt partner shares their pain openly. Both must commit to practicing transparency and empathy with each other. With guidance, you and your partner can create a renewed partnership rooted in trust.
2) Commit to Daily Rebuilding
Some affairs shatter trust in a single night. However, rebuilding that trust takes much longer. It takes consistent, small daily actions outside of couples counseling to show commitment. For example, in the case of an emotional affair, the unfaithful partner may need to focus on transparency in ways they haven’t before. While they might not have previously shared much about who they’re texting or felt the need to leave their phone accessible, this level of openness may need to become the norm for a while. They should also be open to questions about online interactions—and answer honestly. On the other side, the hurt partner must work on expressing their needs for reassurance and transparency clearly, and when their partner meets those needs, acknowledge the genuine effort.
3) Strengthen Your Emotional Connection
Affairs can make couples feel a million miles away from each other, even when they’re in the same home. For this reason, the next step is slowly building back connection and, eventually, closeness. It’s less about grand gestures and more about small moments of appreciation, communication, and a commitment to healing together. To start, you could set aside a time each day to check in. Maybe you walk together after dinner or chat about your days over tea. You could even enjoy the quiet together and let closeness grow naturally. Eventually, when you both feel ready, you could set bigger goals together, like planning a weekend getaway or having a date night at a new restaurant you’ve both been meaning to try.
Our Couples Counseling Will Help You Navigate the Aftermath of an Affair
Ultimately, healing from an affair can be challenging work, but it’s certainly doable with counseling. We’ve found that after time, many couples come out of this turbulent time even stronger and healthier than before. Of course, there’s room here for either partner to decide that moving forward separately might be the best path for their healing and growth. We’re here for that, too. We’re here for you.
Our couples counselors, Sairah Abbasi, Jennifer Edwards, and Dora Valencia, all have the dedication and understanding it takes to help when facing an affair. To learn more about the couples counseling our licensed therapists offer, please contact our Intake Coordinator at 949-236-1990 or intakes@lisaeatontherapy.com. You can also learn more over at our Get Started Page.
